sassydotnet:river heights

©1968. This is the best book thus far. Nancy is titian-blond and Bess gets to be blond too this time although she still gets a hard time from her cousin George “proto-Peppermint Patty” Fayne right off the bat:

“Maybe you have an unknown admirer in England, Nancy,” she said.

George gave Bess a dark look. “Do you always have to think of the romantic side of things?”

The mystery begins with the girls running into the local mail carrier, old Ira Nixon who’s six weeks from retirement, struggling through his route on a cold, blustery day. He tells Nancy he has a letter for her, from England! Mysterious. They invite him to stop at Nancy’s for a cup of hot cocoa.

He commits the cardinal sin of mail carriers everywhere and leaves his mailbag in the vestibule while he sips cocoa with Hannah Gruen and the girls and of course is swiftly punished for it. Upon leaving, he discovers the mailbag has been stolen! Not only is Nancy’s letter gone so is an envelope meant for Carson Drew that contained money sent by a client. Suspicion immediately falls upon Ira’s evil half brother Edgar who’s been dogging Ira for money ever since he blew into town.

Nancy starts a search for Evil Edgar while Mr. Drew uses the name Ira remembered from Nancy’s letter to try and track down its sender. It turns out to be a law firm searching for a “Nancy Smith Drew” who has come into an inheritance. Carson tries to make a call to correct them:

Nancy waited while he gave the number, but the lawyer was told that the Atlantic lines would be tied up for several hours. He turned to Nancy. “Maybe you’ll have this case solved before I can put through the phone call!” he teased.

This couldn’t have been the case as late as ‘68, could it? Maybe this is from the original 30s edition. I mean, I’m an old but I’m also a person with the entire Internet in my pocket so I can’t even begin to comprehend this.

And now, for the best minor characters in all of literature: Sailor Joe Skeets and his wife. Maud Skeets shows up all “I want my two dollars!” blaming Nancy for the letter she had stolen from Ira’s mailbag. Nancy refuses to pony up the cash and tries to get rid of Maud. But wait, what’s this lead?

You’re just like all the other Nancy Drews!

Maud refuses to reveal what other Nancy Drews she knows unless this Nancy shows up at her house with the stolen money.

“Boy is she ever a weirdo!” George exclaimed.

Interestingly, Mr. Drew thinks going along with blackmail is a dandy plan so Nance makes her way to the Skeets’ home the next day. Mrs. Skeets is out but Sailor Joe is home and, well, this conversation happens:

“Well, she hoisted anchor here about an hour ago,” he said. I expect she just rode around to the chandler for some supplies and most likely she’ll be back by six bells.”

There are six pages of Sailor Joe and his sailor talk. I want to quote the whole damn thing. Just one more:

“Brisket corned beef is what you’ll get for supper because it’s the cheapest cut in the market,” the woman announced.

“Salt horse again!” exclaimed her husband.

Salt horse!

Anyway before Joe can get started on another sea yarn, Nancy learns that the Skeets’ used to know a Nancy Smith Drew, an actress who last was heard to be working as a governess to some English folk on Cape Cod. There the trail ends until the very next page when Ned calls to confirm the weekend’s plans to visit his fraternity at Emerson College (shout out to my brother-in-law!) and after hearing Nancy’s story of the mysteries she’s working on reveals that the coach hired by Emerson’s dramatic society is named N. Smith Drew!

Later Bess’s beau Dave Evans confirms the N does indeed stand for Nancy and that the drama coach left for a town called Ridgefield. Oh no, that’s where Evil Edgar is boarding! Nancy surmises that Edgar has learned of the inheritance from the stolen letter and is preventing her from finding out about it until he can marry Nancy Smith Drew then get the money away from her “through some clever scheme.” They also discover he’s been running a Lonely Hearts Club, stealing money from women he promises to find a husband. This guy is the worst!

The girls finally set out to Emerson for the play and the big game. Nancy briefly gets locked in an auditorium and is attacked by a rock thrower. There is an eight-page section on the cutest football game ever. And then there is another of the most inscrutable clues ever involving Shakespeare quotes that of course Nancy is able to decipher immediately: Other Nancy has flown to New York with Edgar. Our Nancy contacts the police in NY but then asks the girls if they are up for a trip there themselves, to be there for poor Other Nancy when Edgar gets arrested. Somehow it is not a problem for three unemployed young ladies to up and fly to New York at the last minute.

At the airport Nancy is attacked one last time, chloroformed in the “powder room.” As it nears boarding time and she doesn’t return, Bess & George go to check on her:

The cousins hurried to [the powder room]. At first they did not see Nancy, but when Bess peered in the nursery, she gasped. Her friend was lying under a crib, covered with a blanket!

Nursery? Crib? In an airport bathroom? What a wondrous world they lived in. They also wondrously manage to drag drugged Nancy to the plane and make it safely to NY where they finally find Nancy Smith Drew who is thankfully not yet married and then they all watch Edgar get arrested. And then, on page 173, as Other Nancy is bemoaning the loss of her dream of marriage, our Nancy has a quiet moment of reflection:

As Nancy thought of an appropriate answer, she suddenly realized that this mystery which she had enjoyed so much was coming to a close. The young detective always felt a vacuum in her life when this happened.

As do I, Nancy, as do I.